Body image, boundaries, divorce. Holy Q&A.
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Divorce…? Balance and striving…? Longing to help…? Your questions are multi-layered and beautifully articulated. It’s the last Q&A fest of the season.
Question: “I grew up immersed in New Age ideas. While I questioned a lot of it, I found most of it to be nurturing and well-meaning, helping to perpetuate gratitude and constructive spiritual growth. I recently watched a YouTube video about “Occult objects in the home” and how they should be removed. The video was from a New Age guru who had turned Christian. After hearing this “warning,” I felt it was rooted in fear — the need to protect and quarantine oneself from spiritual contamination. Isn’t the choice ours to make internally about how we respond to our external environment?” — Vivian
I used to have a ton of Goddess statues and Christian objects and the like placed around my house. I have called on different deities and great beings at different times in my life. And currently — I have less deity statues in my home than I ever have. Why? I’ve come to realize that the more I rely on my Higher Self, the more worthy I feel, the more aligned I feel with the will of The Infinite… and the fewer sacred objects I want to surround myself with.
If you are coming from a place of fear — meaning, if you think you must have these objects in your life to be complete/safe/loved — you might want to steer yourself in a more life-affirming direction. “I’m safe no matter what.” You could live in a cave or a temple, and your inner state is up to you.
Question: “Divorce is brutal. I know there is no set time frame… but I need some tools to allow me to get out of this pain.” — Megan
Here are the most growthful things I did to heal from my divorce years ago.
I worked on forgiving my ex on a soul level. When we were in each other’s presence, I was still getting just super activated (adrenaline and resentment overload). But I truly wanted to lay down the burden of all of that tension. I began a daily forgiveness practice, and continued for months. Every morning, I’d have a conversation — my Higher Self to his Higher Self — and tell him I forgave him, that I cherished him, that I saw his heart. It might sound like spiritual bypassing, but I can tell you that it was deep work. And supremely painful. And it was rectifying, softening, equalizing.
I stopped believing that anyone could “drain my energy”. I’m full of love, I’m made of the stuff. And love is an infinite resource. If I feel drained it’s because of where I’m putting my attention and time, not because any one has the power to suck on my Shakti.
I was honest with my son about how heartbroken I was that I needed to complete the marriage. And at the same time, I made it very clear that I was there for him. I am home, I am solid, I am Mother. And this is not your fault, you are so loved, this is between dada and me. I openly wept, holding back my tears would have been just… weird and unnatural. I didn’t cover up my devastation, and so my son was able to witness how we move on through devastation and foster resiliency and healing. Keeping it real is part of how we heal.
Question: “It feels like everyone I love wants a piece of me, all the time… How can I spread myself around without giving up all of myself?” — Cassandra
All credit goes to my coach Chela Davison for this litmus test: Before I say yes or no to something, I ask myself this question, “Is this the future that I want to belong to?”
When you choose health for yourself, you are leading the way for other people to choose health for themselves. And in that scenario, nobody is spread too thin.
Question: “I have struggled with body image all my life, as so many do… I want to just BE and take my body for what it is. However, at one point in my life, I was the weight I truly felt myself. And I want to get back to that weight, but I want to do it out of love. How can I “just be,” while also striving for something that made me feel more like myself.” — Paloma
We’re talking about how one can lose weight, but I want to make sure that there’s room for this possibility: Maybe we don’t have to lose weight to feel more like ourselves? Maybe returning to ourselves means sifting through the messages we’ve been given for eons about our bodies — denying the unloving ones, and holding on to the compassion. Maybe coming home to ourselves means realizing we are beautiful now. Always. And if we do decide we want to lose weight, can we do that with a sense of celebration instead of dread? How can we feel JOY in the changing? How are we shifting our behaviours in ways that make us feel more alive (instead of less than)?
How do we strive while being present? It’s like you said, Paloma — ideally our impulses to change are not coming from a place of self punishment, but from a place of self love.
With Love,
Danielle
Link Love
Chela Davison, my coach for the last five years, is wise, insightful, practical… Love.
Dr. Mark Hyman and Dr. Sarah Gottfried — I’m down with both of their work around the brain-gut connection to health.
Embrace — a documentary by Taryn Brummfitt that inspires us to change the way we feel about ourselves and our bodies.
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